It will be a change, and in some ways a big change. I'm not going home to the same house that I have known. I've never lived in this house before. I'm not going home to be doing the same things that I've done before, as I will be getting a job, doing activities, driving myself around in my own car, and so forth. I'm certainly not going to be eating the same food as I have known, as my family is on a special diet that you can read more about on my Mom's blog, Sagerat's Scribbles.
As I've thought of some of these things, getting a job, a new diet, and so forth and so on, they have worried me incessantly. If any of you know me at all, you'll know that I am a major worry wart. A diet? Well, how long does the diet go for? What kind of foods are allowed on it? Is pizza? Because I love pizza and I don't really want to completely give that up. What about lasagna?
Sometimes I am excited about getting job, and it will be exciting! Worrying gets to me though. What if my family goes on a trip and I have to miss out because of my job? What if I am asked to do something that is really hard for me? What if I mess up?
I know that some of these things sound silly. Ridiculously silly in some cases. Obviously, I need to remember:
"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." ~ Psalm 55:22
The biggest thing that has frightened me about some of these things is that they represent a forever-change, in a sense. Do you know what I mean by that? To me, a forever-change is a change that will be long-term. It may not really be for forever, but it sure seems like it. A forever-change is something that you won't be able to get out of easily, once you start.
Usually, the goal of a diet is to retrain your body to eat less and enjoy the right kinds of foods. Generally this does not involve pizza. How could anyone not eat pizza for the rest of their life? Another thing that I have experienced in this diet is that so far it is very limited and I really don't like being limited.
Using my other example, I actually have yet to enter the work-force. Granted I am signed up as a Pampered Chef consultant, but with the way that is going, I feel like it's not a real job. If I get a real job, it will be a forever-change, in a way. I'll have to learn that I'm going to miss out on some things. I'll have to learn that I will make mistakes, and I'll have to learn from them. Once I start, there won't be any turning back.
It took me a while to realize that this is one of the root problems with a lot of my fears. When my sister and I were little we didn't like change. When we learned we couldn't ride in the shopping cart anymore, we were devastated. When they would change the characters in our favorite TV show, Zoom, we were angry. Our Mother would generally state that her children hated change. She wasn't necessarily proud of that fact, she was just making a statement.
Then I thought I had mostly grown out of it. At least, to a normal standpoint. Everyone has their ideas of what should or shouldn't change. As I got closer to moving home, just a few weeks ago, I realized that I hadn't changed (and what else is new?). That one of my root fears is actually just that. The fear of change. Of forever-change.
The thought that quickly flashed through my mind, was that if I wasn't a Christian already, then I would have a very hard time becoming one, because that my friends, is a forever-change in the exact and literal meaning of the words.
Wow. Wait a minute. Did I really just say that? Well, it's true. I am one of those people who wants absolute control over what is going on. It may not seem like it sometimes, but I am a very controlling person. Christianity is a loss of control.
"He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." ~ Matthew 10:39
Becoming a Christian is the ultimate forever-change, friends. It means giving up my control and letting someone else take over. I became a Christian quite a few years ago, but I guess I still needed to learn that loving Christ was the best change that I ever made, especially when He can help me make it through those petty, everyday changes.
What changes are you facing right now, and what helps you to overcome your fear of them? How would you define "forever-change"? Which of God's promises help you when you are worried?
Okay, wow. This is what I needed to hear. My changes are quite a bit different than yours, but I too can be a control freak upon occasion and this really helped.
ReplyDeleteI'm really terribly proud of you, sweetie. I know these changes are hard, but I love that you're working on giving it up to GOD instead of sitting around whining about it. *HUGS* You're growing up! ;-)
Many, many loves,
~Laura
Don't worry sis, I've been looking on this "change" in our lives as one of the best so far. It'll be pretty darn close to perfect once you get here.
ReplyDeleteEyebright, a fear of change is one character trait we have in common. I have struggled with it for years, and it still rears its head whenever something in the way of change looms up. But it does get easier, even if you don't really notice.
ReplyDeleteEntering the work force isn't that bad either. For me, it was a nightmare the first several months...okay, so maybe it's that bad to start with, but it gets easier too, trust me! It depends on what you end up doing, too; some things will be harder than others. For me, jumping right into customer service, it was a rough adjustment, but it might not be for you!
I am looking forward to having you around!